Recently, I had an epiphany of sorts. It wasn’t a major AHA moment. There was no burning bush, no light bulb flashed through my mind like in the cartoons (bummer).
The insight came after I’d eaten Mexican food with my seventeen-year-old son at our favorite dive. Brilliance happens through tacos and guacamole in Texas, y’all.
Here’s the major life lesson that quietly came to me as I drove home from dinner. I hope it enlightens you as well …
Change is HARD. Stress SUCKS.
I didn’t say these are new revelations, but they are truths we must face over and over again.
Ch-Ch-Changes
Overall, my family is happy and healthy. It’s all that truly matters, but the past 12 months have been packed with transitions:
*My husband and I each turned 50 (yay!/boo!).
*Our oldest child left for college. We’ll be empty nesters this time next year after our youngest does the same.
*2017 marked the 30th anniversary of my dad’s death.
*The precious man my mother dated for 15 years died of ALS.
*My mother-in-law of almost 27 years moved into a memory-loss unit because of Alzheimer’s.
Garden-Variety Stress
All of the above were major milestones, but stress can also be more run-of-the-mill crap, too. During a three-week period, I kid you not:
*All our sinks stopped up and our hallway bathroom flooded. I had to throw away several items, and was disgusting to clean.
*Our air conditioner broke during a 90-degree spell. It took days before the repairman could fix our AC.
*Overnight, my car became a money pit, and we had to buy a new-used car we hadn’t anticipated. There’s several grand gone.
*To top it all off, my husband lost his wallet that had $1,100 cash in it! Fortunately, he found said wallet barricaded in my daughter’s room during the broken AC debacle.
There are No Big Deals
Whoever said that is a fool.
A child leaving for college is a BIG deal. Someone you love dying is a BIG deal. Turning 50 is a BIG deal. When I reflected during my post-Mexican food epiphany about EVERYTHING that has happened this year, big and little, I thought … no WONDER I’m so emotionally exhausted!
Don’t feel sorry for me. Please don’t say you’re sorry. I’m not whining. I was just trying to pinpoint my emotional overwhelm.
Besides these biggies, there will always be pain-in-the ass situations. Too many bills and not enough money. Strep throat keeps passing through your family and you can’t seem to get well. You want go to the gym, but something else always gets in the way.
Take a Weird Break
I wish I had a snappy 3-step process on how to deal with change, all easy-peasy, but life doesn’t work that way. I may write fiction, but I live in a place called reality. Still, managing stress is an ongoing part of life.
I’m not a professional, and I don’t play one on TV, but here are a few things I may or may not do to de-stress:
*Punch a pillow.
*Run screaming from the house (go out the back door, to avoid freaking out neighbors. No back door? Scream into a pillow).
*Dance to favorite song from junior high or high school.
*Stand on your head (do this against a wall or you’ll fall over).
Here’s a great post I found even more great tips by Donna Norton: Top 18 Tips to Defeat Stress without Med or Shrinks.
Got Stress?
Know this. You’re not alone. Everyone’s life is filled with ups-and-downs, no matter how shiny their lives seem from the outside.
I’m approaching the one-year mark of when my life cranked into overdrive and I’m still standing. I’m working on the sequel to Pennies every day and I have’t lost my mind. Yet.
So, suck it, stress.
What’s the WEIRDEST thing you do to de-stress?
Please leave comment. Let’s talk.
Pick up your FREE copy today of the mystery, The Moon Rises at Dawn (SkipJack Publishing). Read, enjoy, repeat.
Great post, Marcy. Yes, stress happens because we are alive. We’ll havelong enough without stress when we are dead.
I destress by driving to a nearby beach that is all stones. I just listen to the waves/stones moving and enjoy the otherwise-silence. It helps put everything into perspective.
I’m SO JEALOUS, Philip! I would LOVE to live either near the ocean or the mountains. Surrounded by Mother Nature would be a dream come true. I’m happy that now I’m going to picture you sitting on a beach of stones, listening to the water.
Thanks for your comment!
I used to self-harm. Now I do what I call self-art and draw on myself instead. I still get similar physical sensations and let out my creativity.
THAT is officially BRILLIANT! I know some teens who used to cut and have quit, but the desire to cut still burns strong. I LOVE the term self-art. You should write a book about your process and publish it to help others.
Seriously. If not, congrats on finding a healthier way to deal with your stress. I ADORES this comment!
The last three years or so have been a nonstop overwhelm for me. Playing with my granddaughter —which I get to do every day—helps me get my stress levels down, because she is a perfect little bundle of pure joy. She’s one year old, so when I need a less exhausting de-stressor (ha), I work on jigsaw puzzles. It has the same therapeutic effect as pulling weeds, with the added benefit of AC. 🙂 I have to be careful with this, though. If I don’t watch the time while I’m puzzling, I can spend too much time there and create more stress by having to play catch-up on the things I SHOULD have been doing.
Maybe I’m not very good at this de-stressing thing.
Great post, Marcy!
Sweet, precious, Rhonda!
I’m so happy to see your comment here. I’ve thought about you a lot the past year or so. I know how heartbreaking your grandmother’s death was…and I don’t even know your other stressors. Life is just plain hard sometimes.
I’m grateful you have your granddaughter + puzzles nearby. Both sound wonderful to unwind. Thanks for all you do for me + just for being you.
xo – m3
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Marcy, my father died of ALS. That disease is its own special hell.
Thank you for understanding. I feel like this past year watching equal, but opposite hells. My mother-in-law physically was holding up, but her mind was slipping away. While Hack (my mom’s friend) had a mind sharper than us all, but his body withered away.
BOTH HORRIBLE. I’m sorry about your dad, but appreciate you making me feel less alone.
Well, I still haven’t found the right outlet for stress. But thanks for the ideas.
The trick is to keep at it, Sajid. Don’t do the normal stuff…read a book, watch a movie, etc. Do something OUT THERE….it signals to your subconscious mind, “Oh. This is serious. We need to take it up a notch to get rid of the stress.
Seriously, do it. You’ll be glad you did. Thanks for your comment.
Your article came at a perfect time for me. Thanks for the reminder that we ALL have stress (little, big, and gigantic). I always say: “Life is messy. Buy paper towels.” Actually, I don’t always say that, I just thought it up. And I like paper towels. I feel less stressed when I’ve decluttered. Let me be specific: I do not enjoy decluttering – in fact I find the act of deciding what to get rid of very stressful. But AFTER it’s done, I feel much less stress. There is something calming and satisfying about a room or an area that is neat. The visual simplicity clears the mind.
OMG, Julie! I do the SAME THING. When my life feels OUT OF CONTROL, I like to focus on what I can CONTROL I don’t like to clean (bleh). I like to organize and declutter. A closet, a drawer. Afterwards, I always feel better, even though my life is still stressful…it makes me feel calmer.
Next, time I’m stressed (which will be about 5 minutes from now), I will think of you and remember, “Life is messy. Buy paper towels.”
Alleviate stress? People can do that? Wow! Nah, I journal, color, play with my dogs, and when all else fails, I clean. A lot. Hubby will hide in his office when I get that manic glint in my eye as I empty the shadow boxes of all our shot glasses and wash/dry them individually. I will clean until I’m dripping sweat, muscles aching then climb into a bubble bath with chocolate and a book. Then nap with my dogs until supper time And if my hubby is smart, he will have called for take-out because I ain’t get my clean stove dirty! Yeah, I do this. Not often, but I do this. It works for me.
WOW! Sounds like you have quite a process, Sarah, and that it works for you. BRAVO! I enjoyed this. Thanks for your comment!
Thanks, Marcy. Now if only I could get a handle on my current block. Feeling like my work is pretty worthless and feeling like giving up on my dream. Argh! I hate this feeling. Makes me reach for the cookies more often than I should. But who can say no to coconut chocolate chip cookies? Lol!
DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM, SARAH! Seriously. It helps light to your life. Sometimes, I think that obstacles are put in our place to make us prove how much we want something and how willing we are to fight for it.
If it’s your writing (or something other creative pursuit), it always seems worthless to us. That’s just that rat-bastard Fear talking. You need to read two books. If you’ve read them before, then you need to read them again because you need some inspiration.
The War of Art by Steven Pressfield and Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. Read both, then email me. Let’s talk. xoxoxo – m3
I’m going to go look for those books at our local COAS tomorrow. If I can’t find ’em there I’ll go to Amazon. Thanks for your encouragement, girl. Life. Sheesh!
Very nice article. Stress has been a major problem for me for years, mostly because of my job. Like you said those little things cause stress, yet we don’t think of that. I figured since I lived with stress 24/7, I was coping. Boy, was I wrong! You might want to check out magnesium’s role in decreasing stress. I was surprised that I felt calmer the first week I started on it. I’m sorry I didn’t learn more about magnesium 30 years ago. I think I could have prevented so many health issues!
That’s awesome you’ve discovered how to decrease your stress. I’ve actually just started using magnesium. It’s a spray and supposed to be super pure…over $30/bottle, but honestly…I don’t feel like it’s really doing anything. Maybe I will in time…but it hasn’t wowed me. What do you use?
I LOVE your idea of taking a weird break!!
Isn’t it crazy how much stress there is everywhere?!? I keep thinking, “next week will be better” … and then it comes and goes and I’m still looking for my breath. Nuts! But, I guess it’s like one of your commenters (is that a word?) said above: stress happens because we’re alive. Maybe we’ll feel less of it if we roll with it? Easy to say, hard to do.
I say we just take more weird breaks! 😀
So happy to see you here, precious T.O.!
“Looking for my breath.” Can you imagine how much more stressed we’d be if we didn’t do yoga?! I’ve been doing yoga for probably 15 years and the reason I fell in love with it is because it’s the only exercise I’ve ever done that connected my mind, my body, AND MY BREATH all at once. POWERFUL!
I’m ALL KINDS OF IMPRESSED with how you got your yoga teaching certification. I have NO desire to do that. I just want to go and be led….
I want to do that + take more weird breaks!!
15 years!! That’s awesome!
The certification was harder than I thought it would be, but once I was in … well, you know … I couldn’t give up. LOL
Reading your post and witnessing a few really difficult things lately has got me thinking a lot about how important it is that we have the resources to cope. I just learned this morning that my cousin’s son committed suicide. (Around the same age as my son.) This, after learning recently about that spiritual writer who suffered silently with mental illness until he passed away.
Do you find that yoga helps your mind as much as your body? It does that for me — I wonder if there’s a way to help more people somehow …
We absolutely need to find better ways to cope. I’m so sorry about your cousin’s son. Ironically, a friend from elementary school (two grades ahead of me), her 24-year-old son committed suicide last week. That’s HEARTBREAKING.
Yoga most DEFINITELY helps my mind. The mental benefits may even exceed the physical. I’ve seen some cool Facebook videos floating around lately that yoga and meditation are being used to help kids in lower-income school, prison inmates, etc. The possibilities are encouraging….
All these suggestions are wonderful! I find reading both the problems and the suggested solution uplifting. Knowing others have such jarring injuries to their psyche helps to put life into perspection. We all have them and we all manage to overcome in some way. Often though we just swallow it and go on with life.
As some have mentioned this can undermine our health.
Marcy already reminded me of some easy ways to relieve stress. Walking barefoot in grass or literally hugging a tree does wonders. Somehow the built up electric currents or something are released. I’ve forgotten the details but it works!
Quiet does it for me too. I have had a hearing loss which steadily has worsened all my life. One would think silence would be my enemy but it isn’t. Just the opposite from have the tv on for ‘company’, I like to remove my hearing aid for hours or days and enjoy complete quiet. My friends get irritated but o well.
I wish cleaning was an answer for me but it just isn’t. I read or write or research interesting things on line. That’s when I’m not hugging a tree or walking barefoot in the grass or just looking at the beauty that surrounds me.
Mostly just hang in there! I promise life is worth every trial. Just take one step at the time. It’s hard to fall on your face when you always have one foot in front.
LOVE everything you said, Dixie. Stress can definitely affect our health, and it sound like you’ve found ways the work for you. Fantastic!
Thanks for sharing your knowledge with the rest of us.
I finally made it here. Whew! Life is crazy stressful… and the main reason for delaying my visit was my having to get caught up with everything after a much needed de-stressing vacation. Go figure! Great advice as always, Marcy <3
Hey Em – isn’t that the irony of vacations? You come home all zen, then hear you have 1,542 voicemails and 2,007,948 emails to attend to. Sigh. I’m trying to find more balance on a daily basis. I’ll let you know it goes…
Gah… I was so stressed I forgot to sub to comments. Sorry! Where did that week go??? Hope you had a great birthday sweetie
It was a GREAT birthday. Thanks for thinking of me. XO – m3
You’re welcome 🙂 xox
That’s a lot on your plate in a short time, Marcy, but I know you came through it all with your trademark spirit. We have these experiences, I think, so that we will know who we are and who we have become. It’s amazing what one little thing like a bathroom repair (I know it’s not really little!) can show us the face in the mirror we’ve been avoiding really taking a good look at.
I always love your insights, Adan. I can tell you GET IT. We both know that life is far from easy, but despite all the stressors of late, I have so much for which to be grateful. I want to focus more of what I can CONTROL and CHANGE (namely, my attitude), rather than what I cannot.
Thanks for your comment. It’s GREAT to see you again.
I’m so glad to be able to help, Marcy. Reading what you’ve put out into the world has been so inspiring, and I’m happy to try to put more of that out into the world!
Ahhh, Adan. Thank you so much for your kind words. Our world desperately needs more positivity today. Much love. m3