There are many lessons to be learned with writing. So many trials and tribulations only the school of hard knocks can teach you. Writing is work. It’s also a complete joy, but that doesn’t discount the challenges it brings.
I consistently made a particular mistake for about 19 years. I’ve only truly righted this wrong in the past twelve months. Are you making this same error, too?
You must celebrate the small victories along the way.
Don’t groan and stop reading. This is a small change, with HUGE benefits. It could be the very trick to transform your writing. For the longest time, my definition of success was too narrow:
- Find an agent.
- Publish my novel.
Since 1995, I’ve had literary representation from exactly two agents and my debut novel is being published just this year. Three victories in 7,300 days didn’t leave much room for happiness. Sure, completing books, winning contests and getting paid to write magazine articles were great, and of course I felt proud of them.
However, they were not my ultimate prize of being a published novelist, so they somehow fell short. This limited vision left me with endless disappointment and frustration. It was like emotional anorexia.
You must honor your small steps. Don’t torture yourself unnecessarily like me. Find happiness in the process itself — the humble, but honorable act of putting words onto a page. Don’t be so all or nothing. Either you’re kicking ass and taking names, or you suck.
That’s perfectionism, which is another mask for Fear. It’s abusive and kills creativity.
If you’re doing this, too, please stop. Get a major attitude adjustment. Of course, strive for excellence, but also praise yourself for any movement forward:
You finished that poem. Celebrate!
You pitched a guest post to a major blog. Celebrate!
You’re still lost in plotting your novel, but you’re sticking with it. Celebrate!
Change your mindset. Focus on what your are accomplishing, not on what you are not. There are so many more small moments than big achievements. Savor them.
Inexpensive (or Free) Ways to Celebrate
- Meet a friend for coffee.
- Buy a book.
- Get a pedicure (Don’t be afraid, guys. You’ll love it).
- Buy a new notebook.
- Visit the bookstore to see where your book will some day sit (this is one of my faves).
- Guilt-free time to read, watch TV, surf the internet. Write some more.
- Take a nap.
- Buy another ink cartridge and ream of paper.
- Take a nice stroll somewhere beautiful.
- Sit and enjoy the sunset (or sunrise).
- Buy a new scented candle.
- Buy a new box of pens.
- Drink a smoothie, hot tea, etc.
- Call or email a friend to catch up.
- Journal about how proud you are of yourself.
- Indulge a little — chocolate, wine, etc.
There is nothing earth shattering about any of these activities. You’ve probably done most of these before. The point is to be intentional with honoring yourself. Yes, you’ve been to the coffee shop countless times, but you’re buying this drink because you’ve taken another step in making your dreams come true. It makes it more special, even if no one realizes it but you.
How often should you celebrate? It’s up to you, but once a week to once a month is both reasonable and doable. The bigger the accomplishment – the bigger the celebration.
Years ago, when a friend sold her first novel, she and her husband went out to eat every night for a month (that’s an exaggeration, but she did take a nice, long victory lap). It doesn’t have to be flashy or expensive, just treat yourself in ways you enjoy and that encourage you to keep going. That said…
Mudpie Writing’s 1st Birthday!
What a difference a year makes!
Twelve months ago, I was still very much a broken writer. My literary agent had quit the biz just months earlier before we tried to sell my novel. Publicly, I put on a brave face, but privately I cried in my Oreos.
Then, I had an epiphany. I’d learned a lot over the past 20 years about the craft, the creative process and publishing. I wanted to start a blog to save others from the mistakes and frustrations I’d suffered along the way. I wanted to build a community where we could battle our creative monsters together. I wanted to connect with other writers and to feel less alone.
Those thoughts gave me hope. It gave my past struggles a deeper purpose.
Mudpie Writing was born on April 14, 2014.
Instead of feeling proud that day, I felt nauseous. I wondered…what the hell have I done? How will I ever find folks who want to talk writing with me?
As I pondered those questions, my phone pinged that evening as I cooked my family dinner.
MPW had its first email — Meet your new subscriber!
What?
I still have no idea how Angela from Ohio found me, but I’m forever grateful.
One year later, we are a 1,000 members strong. In internet terms, it’s nothing, but to me, it’s definitely something.
My Free Gift to You
My weekly critique group will toast Mudpie Writing with Godiva chocolate, but I also want to include you in my joy and to say thanks. Some of you have seen this on my website, but most have not and I want you all to utilize it more.
Visit The Whinery.
The Whinery is a fun way to blow off steam when you’re frustrated with your writing. It’s fast, it’s free and best of all, it works. The Whinery is a private process that helps you push beyond the negativity, then get back to work. I created it just for you (go there to see what I mean).
Remember, The Whinery is open 24 hours a day. (Side note, I know I need to figure out how to take down the Landing Page so once you’ve signed up for MPW, you can access my website anytime. Until then, type marcymckay.com/whinery to get there). Better yet, bookmark it on your computer.
I hope you enjoy The Whinery. Thank you again for making Mudpie Writing so special.
How do you celebrate writing victories?
Please leave a comment. I’d love to chat.
Pick up your FREE copy today of the mystery, The Moon Rises at Dawn (SkipJack Publishing). Read, enjoy, repeat.
When we were poor students, I mean dirt poor, we couldn’t afford to eat out, not even at McDonald’s. So, whenever we got a windfall, we’d “go out” and get ourselves two Big Mac meals. People who grew up in the States won’t know what I’m talking about, but to us that was big. Nowadays, we can afford much better, but we still go and get two Big Mac meals just to remind us of how good God has been to us, and how far we’ve come.
I LOVE this and folks here in the USA do understand your sentiment. My aunt married my uncle at age 18. They were so poor that once a month they treated themselves to a night at the movies.
Over 50 years later, they’re still married and still LOVE to go to movies because it still feels like such a reward.
Thanks for sharing your Big Mac story, William. I appreciate you being a part of MPW!
William I love the MCD’s idea. When my daddy was alive we would get together when I was a kid and talk over a chocolate shake from there. Even now years later those are some great memories and I still have a small choc shake when I want to be close to my daddy.
Cool concept. I’ll keep The Whinery in mind just in case. I am enjoying reading your blog and have done so for a few months now. I can’t remember when I first discovered you. I’m relatively new to blogging (started January 2014) and still having fun with it. Thanks for being so generous with your help and advice.
Hi Beth!
Thanks for sharing in my excitement and congrats on your blog’s first birthday. Meo My Crochet is VERY clever and I LOVE your header! Did you crochet that blanket yourself? Regardless – really cool.
I’m glad you’re enjoying MPW and TRULY appreciate you saying so today.
Yes I did and thanks for commenting on it. I made a couple out of thin sock yarn which was fun, but took a long time for a little lap blanket. I see you’re getting lots of comments. Enjoy!
Oh my! I’m so impressed, Beth. Now that I KNOW you created that and I went back to see it again.
OUTSTANDING. That’s awesome that’s you’ve taken two passions (crocheting and writing) and married them into one. Life can be so delicious!
HaPpY bIrThDaY MUDPIE!!!!! I love reading your posts – always so spot on!!!
Thanks for making me smile, Miz Mason. I’ve enjoyed our email conversations and love having you here @ MPW.
Hi Marcy
Happy one year!! I’m really happy for you, and think you’re doing an amazing job 🙂 (Just curious, how are you celebrating this? Like, besides the awesomely good chocolate)
I just begun to celebrate my small victories a few weeks ago, and as simple as it might be, it does help a lot. I’m buying myself some ice cream if I write every weekday this month.
Hey Luana,
Thanks for your joy. Ice cream is an OUTSTANDING reward. To celebrate MPW, I plan to:
1) Let me work as much as possible today guilt-free on my novel before I publish it (mid-summer to early fall). Except for when I take my daughter to the orthodontist today (because reality calls).
2) Have coffee this afternoon with a writer friend.
3) Celebrate with my critique group tomorrow night.
I’m sure I’ll think of more, but that’s it so far and I’m pleased.
Sounds great! Hope you enjoy it 🙂
Congrats on a wonderful year, Marcy! I’m so glad to have found you and your wise words. I’m looking forward to checking out the Whinery, the name is pretty fantastic 🙂
Precious, wonderful, Dana,
I so appreciate your accolades, both here and on Facebook. We’ve only known each other a short time, but you’re a writer I both admire and respect.
I do believe you’ll enjoy the Whinery and hope you’ll go visit! Thank you.
I love you so much, Marcy!! Congratulations on your first year anniversary 😉
I love you right back, Kitto. Thank you for always being so generous…not just to me, but on all the blogs I see you giving comments, supporting others. You are such a wonderful person. xoxoxoxo
Happy blogoversary to MPW and one of the most sincere, talented, approachable, and upbeat writers I know (aka Miss Marcy McKay)! <3 Thank you for creating this wonderful blog and for opening up the Whinery so we can scrape the negativity barnacles from our muses and happily sail the writing seas again.
Awwww, sweet, Anita. I’m de-lighted to see you hear and appreciate you stopping by MPW. You’re the best and I’m grateful to have you as one of my weekly writing buddies. Love you!
Madani
Hi marcy
I am really happy for you. I enjoy reading your blogs, you are teaching me so many new things. New is not the adequate word. It’s hard (for me) to find peolpe showing the least interest for literature in general and writing in particular. Tha’ts the reason why I send my manuscripts to France (which is a foreign country to me). I have just received a reply from a publisher. They ask for a sum of money (TEN times what I gain per month). I now have six maunscripts in my drawers (in my computor). Where can I find the courage to sit again at my desk and write? No publishing houses! No people interested in books.
Thank you Marcy, I hope I am not boring you with my whinings.
I appreciate your happiness for me, Madani. It always makes me smile to see you name here in the comments, on via email.
Now about you. Have you tried American publishing houses? From our email discussions, your novels sound VERY literary. Or, what’s stopping you from self-publishing.
For me, for the longest time, self-publishing wasn’t even an option. At least not a respected option. The switch has flipped in my brain and I could care less about the respect from New York City, or even my traditionally-published friends. Fortunately, my buddies are all supportive of me.
Even my former agent told me to GO FOR IT. She’s become quite disenchanted with published (which is why she quit the business). She likes that I’m taking charge of my career.
I support whatever you decide, though my heart HURT picturing SIX of your manuscripts trapped on your computer.
Good luck and thanks for being part of MPW.
Madani, NEVER GIVE UP. Those are six stories that would never have been told if you hadn’t told them. Each of us is different and each of us tell stories differently, I agree with Marcy, look into self publishing. At least read up on it. Don’t let your stories fade away. Keep the courage and stay strong.
Happy birthday! And here’s to many more. Thanks for the good advice–a gentle reminder of what I already know never hurts me.
You bring up an EXCELLENT point, Sherrey. A lot of what I tell you isn’t anything new. I just share epiphanies I learn, or truths I’ve forgotten along the way.
Good luck with you and your writing and thanks for the birthday wishes.
Congratulations on your anniversary, Marcy, and thanks for everything you do to inspire and encourage. I agree that it’s so important to celebrate the small victories and recognise your achievements.
Next week the longlist will be announced for an important writing competition, and I would absolutely LOVE to be on the list. However, because I know the chances are slim, I already have a ‘recovery plan’ in case of disappointment, which involves taking time off at the weekend, going shopping, spending some time in the garden, reading a fun book, etc.
If I am long listed, there’ll be no shopping or gardening, because I’ll be staying up all night frantically editing my manuscript for the next stage! But either way, there is something to look forward to 🙂
Wow, Catherine. I’m impressed you have a plan — no matter what happens. Good luck with the contest. This is going to sound cliché, but I’ve entered and won/lost enough contests to know for a FACT you really are winner regardless of what happens.
I know! Bleh, cheesy, but it’s true. The fact you risked your work is a victory. A judge might say something that helps you solve a plotting…no matter what the outcome of this contest, you’ve taken your work one step closer to publication.
And, that, my friend, ROCKS.
Happy Anniversary Marcy! What great advise you have shared and encouragement you offered. It is so wonderful to know that I’m not alone in my struggles and frustrations with writing. May you have a great year.
You’re definitely not alone, Debra, with both your joys and struggles. Glad you feel that here @ MPW. Thank you for being part of this community!
Many more happy years
It is good to celebrate an anniversary when you know you’ve grown and marched forward — and held out a helping hand to those climbing the same mountain. Kudos!
What a lovely analogy! Thanks so much, Jane. I’ll take it. I’m just a big believer in “paying it forward.”
Good luck to you as you (sing with me and Julie Andrew’s): climb every mountain…
Congratulations! In two years I’ll celebrate the 10th anniversary of my first novel’s release. Tomorrow I’m celebrating a double breakthrough in my latest screenplay. That happened yesterday. (Had to order the cake–and it’s got a spaceship, perfect for science fiction.) It’s great to find another writer who enjoys the craft. There are too many who don’t.
Many thanks, Phyllis.
Congrats on your big accomplishments! Ten years since your first novel’s release. Wonderful! I’m doubly impressed about your screenplay. I’ve only written one screenplay and they make novel writing look easy.
Sadly, you’re right about many who don’t enjoy the craft of writing and I’m like….WHY do you do it then? Life’s too short. If they’re seeking fame and fortune, there are many other faster ways to do it. Crazy.
Best wishes to continued success for both of us. Yahoooo!
Congratulations, Marcy! I enjoy your writing – it’s very personable and your sense of humor is great. Here’s to many more years of success! 🙂
Thank you for your well wishes, Laura. I’m delighted you enjoy Mudpie Writing, but I certainly appreciate what you contribute! Good luck with your writing, as well!
Congratz! Happy birthday! And happy to be one of the subscribers 🙂
Aren’t you so very sweet, Oihane. I’m enjoying MPW’s birthday thoroughly and appreciate your well wishes. 🙂